I WANT YOU... ONLY YOU...

Rock Ear Music : Fenix Tx - College Song.

I hate this song. Ok. Who cares.

I've lost my respect of you as a person. I wanna vanish into thin air.

I hope everyone truly understand how sad and paranoid I am + my condition.

I hope everyone truly hates me for how sad and paranoid I am - my condition.

Me + condition = same.

Me - condition = same.

So don't worry. This time around, I shall worry for myself.

Whatever the thing is, I shall pull through. Fuck it mutherfucker.

I have enough brains and juices in this puny shithole to think that this sickness ain't a big hoo haa to be dragged about. And additionally, some peoples ain't have much originality. Other than that, no blog = you-miss-out-ouh-so-blardy-much.

Im not worried. Ok. I lied. 'Take care of yourself Farlinah'. Easier say than done. Don't peek a boo at my life and wreck it as its already is. Thanks, but no thanks.

I swear I can scream. I am NOT depressed. I dont breathe in sadness 99.9% percent of my time. I dont breathe out happiness 99.9% of my time either. I dont cry 3/4 of the day. I dont dont-smile 3/4 day. I may cry myself to sleep. Blame the dust and the irritating attacks.

I may like sharp objects. That's because cutting is my hobby. I may cut and I used to cut. But I cut my hair more. And Im not mentally sick.

I still pray. Or try to pray the least. I still know who Allah is. I still remember my own name.My parents name. My identification tag. My home.

At least I know who my friends are. Old and new. They come. They go. They stay and they leave. Some just left without a word.

Leave now if you find me too sick at 09.52 pm Singapore Time.

I do have problems. Fuck. You do too dont you? Good. We are normal. Dammit. Im not 24 hours ogling and crying over God's creations of possible significant others for me.

Like I said, I may look stupid but I am not that idiotic to have 24 hours wasted on salty tears that would create a whole new ocean in the world map.

I have got better fucking shites to do. My options are limited and had been decided. I may be fickle minded and I know when and how to control it.

Don't push me off my limit bar cause I might squeeze ur brain through those lines. With much heartfelt hopes that gap is 2cm. Slicing 2cm brain shits out of you stereotypical mofos sounds fun though. and that again, Im not 'gore' nor 'violent'. You don't have to think 'fuck! she-is-(insert your wonderful vocab here)'

I dont learn all this stuff through the net. I read once too many times and listen once too many times. I may have same interests like any motherfuck in this world would. I believe that there can be two of me at times. But please, Im not a copycat cos I know I wont live up that long with a twin. Even my conscience needs to be killed.

Words are weapons and so is my tongue. I do realise my fingers are weapons and this journal is a weapon too. I never meant to hurt anyone. fuck u. who would ?

Like I said, things which are man-made as simple as this may just kill people deep in their hearts. If i killed you, Im sorry. I got my punishment. And closure of thoughts ain't very pleasing either.

Soon. A photolog. And my blog is keeping my mind off my own problems.

I hope no one is hurt. As much as I am concerned, mofos had done much damage. And I, as one too, would love to do damage to you.

Why?

I love all of you once, too much. Till it breaks me apart.